Prioritizing When Everything Is Important

You know that sinking feeling you have when there's too much on your plate? When you try to tackle your tasks by priority, but it feels like everything's important? Don't get overwhelmed—it's a problem that everyone faces at some point or another, and while it's difficult to skillfully juggle multiple priorities and competing responsibilities, it's not impossible. Here's how.

It just so happens that there's a career that focuses specifically on juggling competing tasks and priorities: These people are called project managers. And as luck would have it, I was a full time PM for many years, PMP-certified and everything. In that time, I learned a number of helpful tricks that can help you manage your workload at the office as well as your ever-growing list of to-dos at home, with your family, or with your friends. Here's how you can apply some of those techniques to your everyday life.

First, Answer the Question: Is Everything Really Important?

Even if everything on your plate is supposed to be equally important, you still need a way to break down which ones you spend your time on, and how you slice up your time. The first question you have to get past is whether or not everything really is of equal importance. Here are a couple of tips to help you cut through the fog and get a feel for how important your responsibilities and projects really are.

Ø  Grill the boss. At work, you have a manager. At home, you're your own boss. One of the primary responsibilities of any manager is to help you understand what's important, what's not, and what you should be working on. You may have a manager at the office who does this (or needs your help doing it well), but everywhere else, you're in charge of your own work, and no one's going to tell you that backing up your data is more important right now than painting the house. It's easy to give up and think "it's all important," but at work, you can lean in and tell your boss that you really need their help. At home, sometimes you just have to pick something from your to-do list and get started to build some momentum.

Ø  Ask around. If you're prioritizing tasks that involve other people, like your family, friends, and coworkers, talk to them. Find out from them when they need your help, how much work is backed up behind the things you're working with them on, and if they can lend a hand. If they don't need you for another week and someone else needs you tomorrow, or if they aren't as busy as you are, you know what to do.

Ø  Work backwards. We'll get into this a little more later, but you probably have an idea of when each of your tasks are due—or at least when you'd like them done by—and how much time is required to work on each item. Start with the due dates, take into account how much effort you need to put into each one and how much input you need from others, and work backwards to find out what you should be working on right now (or what you should have already started, in some cases).

Ø  Cover Your A**. Finally, once you've taken some time to determine what's really important and arranged them based on what you think you should tackle first, it's time to put it in writing and share it with everyone involved. Set expectations with others for when you'll get your work done for them, and set expectations with yourself for when you'll have time to work on your own projects. This is more important in a work setting, but involving others in your non-work to-dos can also keep you—and others—accountable.

Get Organized

In order for your priorities to even matter, you need to have some sort of a personal productivity system in place to which you hold yourself accountable—and in which your priorities will actually matter. If you've got a tried and true system, great.

The goal of your system, whichever you select, is to take away the need for you to waste time deciding what to work on next, even when you have a lot on your plate. I've found that David Allen's GTD framework is one of the most effective methods for me, mostly because it focuses on what you should do now and what your next actions should be, and it emphasizes getting your to-dos out of your head and into some system that will help you work. I've mentioned before that I manage my to-dos in ReQall, but there are plenty of other options, like previously mentioned Wunderlist, or if you work on a team, Asana, a collaborative tool we adore.

Whichever tool and productivity method you choose, dump your to-dos and projects into it as quickly as possible. Make sure it's something you'll actually return to and use frequently, and something that's easy to fit into your workflow, and you'll be successful. In the end, you want something easy to refer to, easy to enter tasks into, and that gives you a great view of all of the balls you have in the air at any time.

 

Behold, The Trinity: Cost, Scope, and Time

When I was a project manager, one of the first things I learned to help me judge which projects were most important or needed the most attention is the "triple constraint," or a triangle with three equilateral sides. Each side represents the cost of the project, the scope of the project, and the time required to complete the project. None of the sides can be adjusted without making changes to the other two sides. The sides you're weakest in help determine the projects that need special attention. This holds true for all things, not just projects and project managers: If someone heaps more work onto you (scope), but insists that you finish in the same amount of time (time), you'll need more resources (cost) to get the job done.

For example, if you want to paint the spare room in time for out-of-town guests to stay over, you can't change the size of the job (scope), but you can control whether you buckle down and do it yourself overnight (time), or get someone else to do it for you while you do something else (cost). Here's how you can use these three principles to organize your everyday to-dos.

Ø  Time: Work Backwards From Your Deadlines. Time is usually the one variable most of us can't change. Deadlines are deadlines, and often we're not the ones who set them. This is where working backwards from due dates is crucial. Start a spreadsheet, and mark down when each project or task on your plate needs to be finished. Then work backwards to the present day, taking into account everything each specific to-do that needs to be done to get from here to there, and how long it takes to complete. When you're finished, you'll likely see a bunch of tasks that should have started already and others that hopefully won't start for a while if you're going to make the deadline. That list, by itself, is a good indicator of what your priorities are, what you should be working on right now, what you should work on next, and perhaps most importantly, what you should get help with—especially if they're tasks that should have started a week ago.

Ø  Cost: Get Help from Family, Friends, and Coworkers. Cost means more than just dollars. It also means people who can help you, or services you can call to give you a hand or take the load off. Could you finish faster if someone else worked on it for you? What if a teammate could take part of the job off your hands and you could pick it up later? Perhaps there's a program or application that can automate the process for you, and it's pretty cheap. It may be worth spending money or dragging in friends to help you finish renovating the kitchen before you run out of vacation days, or calling someone to install your new washing machine so you don't have to take time off to do it.

Ø  Scope: Don't Be Afraid to Make Compromises. If your to-dos have to be done by a certain time and you can't get help, it's time to sit down with the people waiting on you and start making some deals. Let them know what you can deliver by when, and then go on to explain what you can give them later. This is important, because it sends the message that you're not trying to avoid the work you have to do, but you're trying to give them something now that they can use while you keep working in the background to get them everything else on their wish list. The sooner you stop thinking of your to-dos in terms of all-or-nothing, the sooner you'll have the flexibility to say "I'll give you this tomorrow if you give me a week to give you the rest."

Delegate, Delegate, Delegate

It's easy for us to toil away in obscurity, quietly hating our lives and our jobs and growing more frustrated with every passing minute. All the while, there may be a friend who's willing to help if we had only asked, or a boss who would be willing to help you out if you asked the right questions or gave them the right information.

We've talked about how difficult it can be to delegate, and how to delegate effectively in the past, but however you go about it, it's important to remember that you need to be assertive, not aggressive when asking for help, and you need to make your case with all of the data you have available. By now, you should have your priorities laid out and you have a good idea what you need. Use that information to ask for help and prove you need it, and remember, don't be upset if your friends, boss, or coworkers say no.

Buckle Up, It's Going to be a Bumpy Ride

Using this method to set your own priorities and keep track of your own responsibilities isn't just something you should do when you're starting to feel overwhelmed. If the walls are closing in on you, yes, it's definitely time to take a good, hard look at what's on your plate, what can come off, and what has to give, but waiting until you're already busy and stressed out will make it especially difficult to make the changes you need to get your head above water. Even so, it's essential, and once you do it you'll never look back. Hopefully, you can apply these tricks to your work, at home, and in your day-to-day life. Once you really understand what you have to work on and how long it takes, you'll be able to make smart decisions about whether you can take on that big new project at work, or help your best friend plan their bachelor party.

Conflict Resolution with Colleagues

One of the most stressful situations to face in the workplace is a conflict with a co-worker. Whether it’s a long-standing feud that you can’t even recall how it began or a recent spat that has made work tense and miserable for you, not getting along in a civil manner with colleagues is often painful.

You may wrestle with how to resolve the conflict. Or, maybe you consider not doing a thing – it wasn’t your fault, after all! The other person needs to apologize, you think.

But while you wage an internal debate about what to do, the situation may only get worse. Your conflict may make other colleagues feel as if they’re being forced to choose sides, or your boss may become irritated you can’t get along with others. The result is that an unresolved conflict can hurt your career, not to mention the tension that can bring on physical ailments such as headaches and sleepless nights.

Steps to Resolve Conflict with a Colleague

There are several steps you can take to try and resolve the conflict or at least keep it from wrecking your career. Consider:

Ø  Communicating like a grown up. No hiding behind email or texts. Emails and texts can be misinterpreted and certainly don’t convey sincerity or instill trust. Meet with the person privately in a face-to-face conversation.

Ø  Not expecting miracles.  Even if you get some issues out in the open, your negative feelings aren’t going to disappear overnight and that may be true for the other person as well. The old adage about time healing all wounds should be heeded – give yourself time to get past the experience.

Ø  Finding the value. You may believe the only thing you have gotten from the experience is an annoying eye tick, but conflict can help you grow. Take the time to consider what led to the conflict and the role you played. Is this kind of conflict something that has happened more than once? Could you take some steps to avoid it in the future by changing your behavior or strategy?

Ø  Keeping your perspective. From the time you were a child, conflict has been a part of your life whether you were fighting over a toy with a sibling or arguing with a parent about curfew. Any conflict at work is just that – another conflict. Don’t let it overwhelm your life so that you carry it with you and start arguing with family or friends.

Ø  Forgiving yourself. Sometimes you can’t let go of a conflict because you keep replaying it over and over in your mind, thinking of all the things you should have said or done. But you cannot change the past, so learn to forgive yourself and let go.

How to Stay Upbeat After a Conflict

Once you have gotten past the conflict, you may still find yourself struggling to remain upbeat or not be sucked back into another bad situation. If you’re looking to stay out of such struggles, try:

Ø  Avoiding the Debbie Downers. There are sometimes certain colleagues who are forever in a dismal place, and want others to join them. Limit your interactions with such people because their negativity can be just as contagious as the flu.

Ø  Starting a new pattern. Recent political ads often were negative, and you may have learned to avoid the candidate robo-calls or the hateful television ads. You can do the same now by avoiding the negative messages that others still like to spew. Try to get a daily dose of stories about people doing good works to help keep your view more positive.

Ø  Stepping carefully into social media conversations. It can be fun to connect with friends via Twitter or Facebook, but avoid snarky interactions with strangers. It can only make you feel isolated and negative when you engage in a tit-for-tat conversation about the breakup of Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber, for example.

Ø  Taking down time. Know your limits and when you need to turn off your cellphone or computer. Don’t push yourself so much that you’re headed for burnout. Instead, find something fun that you enjoy and consider that as important in your health routine as eating well and exercising.

Giving and Receiving Feedback

I have spent 30 years giving feedback and encouraging others to do so in a range of professional, personal and ministerial contexts. These have included being a personnel professional in an FMCG multi-national, being an ordained leader working with lay and ordained colleagues, and in the context of theological education. As a result I have two convictions about feedback:

1. Most people find it very hard to give and receive feedback in a positive, valuable and formative way. The idea of both giving and receiving feedback fills people with dread, and poorly given feedback can leave deep wounds which last for years and can destroy trust, friendship and working relationships.

2. Giving and receiving feedback is an essential professional, managerial and ministerial skill which can often unlock significant areas of growth and development. Without it we trip over our own flaws, risk damaging others and can hit an unnecessary ceiling in our own competence and effectiveness.

Feedback is a very powerful thing, not least because it helps us develop that vital element of maturity, ‘to see ourselves as others see us.’ For anyone in a public role this is vital. After all, how others see you is…how others see you! And feedback is potentially happening all the time. As I frequently commented to those in ministry training: just because people are not talking to you, it does not mean they are not talking about you! We are constantly being judged, evaluated and assessed. If we are able to access, in a positive and useful way, some of that evaluation, it could really help us to grow. And if our goal is to serve others, shouldn’t we want to do that as best we can?

So how is structured feedback done well? Here are my eight top tips.

1. Give notice

When you need to give some feedback, either as a regular thing or just as a one-off, always give notice to the other person. ‘Let’s fix a time to review how that went.’ There are two main reasons for this, one to do with you, and one to do with the other person. In relation to you, the person giving feedback, it is vital that the goal of the feedback is the growth and development of the other person, and is seen to be this, and is not a pressure valve to allow you to vent your frustration. For the other person, receiving feedback could be emotionally demanding, especially if he or she is not used to this. Giving notice allows the recipient to be prepared to receive your comments—and perhaps even to review what happened themselves first.

If you are the recipient, and someone tries to give you unplanned feedback, a good response is: ‘Thanks for telling me that. I wonder if we could arrange a time for a proper conversation about it?’

2. Choose a good time

A follow-on from the first point is to then find a good time to give the feedback. The most important thing it not to give feedback on the day of the event in question, particularly if this relates to public ministry. Preaching is demanding enough emotionally without having to face immediate evaluation as well. And those feeding back need to reflect on their experience as well. Things can look quite different after a day or two of reflection on the event, as the trivial things subside and what was important stands out. Make sure you allow enough time for a good conversation as well, and be clear how long the feedback session will last (which is a good policy for any meeting).

A good time for feedback will usually be in a context one-to-one, unless you have reached the point in your team where feedback is something natural to all your working relations. A good rule of thumb here is ‘Praise in public; criticize in private.’

3. Shape your feedback

In the past I have been taught to start with the good, what went well, or strengths, and then move on to the negative, to things that need attention and development. The problem with this shape, if used regularly, is that the person on the receiving end is listening to the good stuff, but inside is just bracing themselves to be hit with the bad! A better shape is to either mix it up, or go ‘good—bad—good’ so that you finish on a positive note.

Even better is to make the event a genuine conversation. I will often now start conversations by asking the recipient to assess what went well and what needs development. If feedback is not genuinely owned, it will not have its effect.

4. Give reasons why

Feedback needs to have external references points in two directions. First, comments need to draw on evidence from the event so the basis of comments is clear. Secondly, the reason for change needs to have a clear external rationale (‘If you do it this way, it means that people can…’). This prevents the feedback simply being a vehicle for your own opinions and prejudices; it needs to genuinely lead to more effective performance, and the person receiving comments needs to see how the comments will genuinely be of help to them.

5. Suggest a plan of action

Evidence-based feedback with a good rationale should then lead to a plan of action. This does not need to be complicated, but it does mean that there should be a clear way to allow the person receiving feedback to actually address the issue at hand.

6. Focus on strengths as well as weaknesses

There is a real danger in giving feedback that the process only focuses on weaknesses rather than strengths. I suppose the reason why it happens is that it is easier to spot mistakes than it is to recognize how strengths might develop further. But if this happens, then it can be demoralizing for the receiver; the repeated agenda is to focus on the things that are not going well, rather than the things that are. So it is also worth exploring how things that are strengths already can become points of excellence within the ministry or performance.

7. Make it regular

Feedback is most difficult when it happens as a one-off, and the first time of significant feedback is often the most challenging. But the goal for any kind of ministry team should be to make feedback a regular feature of working together. If it is ‘just one of the things we do,’ then it is much less daunting and can become more fruitful.

8. Make it symmetrical

If feedback is such a potential powerful tool for personal growth and development, then all should be making use of it. And if it is to avoid becoming an exercise in the use of power, then team leaders need feedback from team members as much as members need feedback from leaders and others. In a healthy ministry team, even the person ‘in charge’ should be ready to receive feedback from others. I have been preaching for 30 years, and taught it for the best part of a decade, but I still ask for feedback on my preaching. I still have room for improvement!

In Romans 16.2, Paul describes Phoebe as someone who has been ‘a prostatis for many, including me.’ Some commentators have argued that this cannot be a term of leadership, since otherwise it would mean that Paul, the great apostle, was in debt to someone from whom he had learnt about leadership. How unthinkable! In fact, I am sure that Paul was willing to learn from others just as much as he was willing to teach others.

Bonding with Colleagues

From genocidal dictators to office managers, everyone knows that if you want people to bond, you have to provide them with a common enemy. But which enemy? Some are more effective than others. Trying to rally the troops against an abstract noun ("Mediocrity must be defeated at all costs! Remember that fact this fiscal year!") is unlikely to stir much emotion. So stick to actual people. There's a definite school playground mentality at play here. Witness how the cooler employees at your firm instinctively gravitate towards each other - meeting in the canteen every lunch time to make snide comments about other people's choice of clothes.

Do not follow that path. You are better than them. If you want to bond with your colleagues without picking on the poor lads in IT support, try to encourage a little whining on the subject of your bosses instead - they earn far more money than you for doing far less work. Try saying things like: "Have you seen his/her new car? It's the same one they're using in the next Bond film." Avoid saying things like: "Hey, let's give him/her a break for once. It must have been really upsetting having to cut our wages like that."

The next best way to get close to your colleagues is through the struggle of shared adversity. Past generations had world wars to bring them together, but just because you're not dodging bullets or living off tinned Spam, it doesn't mean you're not suffering too. Pulling an all-nighter for a tight deadline, braving the underground on a hot summer's day, accidentally using that dodgy milk in the back of the fridge - these are all things you can look back on fondly one day and reminisce about with your co-workers.

Tea can also help. And plenty of it. Throwing the hot drinks rota out of the window and selflessly volunteering to make a cup at every 15-minute interval will endear you to your colleagues no end. Only returning from lunch with a selection of delicious pastries could make you any more popular.

Other drinks can be useful too - particularly of the alcoholic variety. Though this can be a high-risk strategy: try confessing a few of your darkest secrets at next Friday's after-work drinks - either they'll reciprocate and open up about themselves, or the entire building will know about how you wet your pants in primary school by the time you return on Monday. That's the gamble.

The slightly more desperate might like to try a spot of Derren Brown-style psychological trickery by attempting to mirror the body language of your chosen buddy. When they fold their arms, you fold your arms. When they scratch their nose, you scratch your nose. In theory this is supposed to result in an eerie feeling of closeness between the two of you. More likely, they'll just feel incredibly creeped out. If so, try growing a neat little goatee beard and see if that helps.

Last of all comes the dreaded team-building weekend. This is where you all spend a rainy bank holiday lost in the middle of a forest, arguing about the best way to fashion a compass out of half a Coke can and a handful of Twiglets. Much better to bunk off down the pub at the first opportunity and just, you know, talk to each other.

How Can We Communicate Better At Work?

Have you ever received or given ambiguous instructions? Do you always provide information through memos or other written communication? Are poor cooperation, lower productivity, tension, gossip and/or rumors the results? 

Experience shows that there are many ways we can enhance our communication skills. For the next 30 days try some new techniques and follow the tips for good communication listed below and see the difference! 

Communication is a two-way process. The speaker gives information and the listener provides feedback. If the listener does not provide feedback, then the speaker must ask for it.

Example: As the listener, paraphrase what you hear the speaker saying or asking questions to clarify. If the speaker asks for feedback, he/she might say, what are your thoughts on this proposal? 

Understand that not everyone is going to agree with you. Respect other people’s ideas. 

Communicate purposefully. Think about what you want to convey and ask yourself if your message is clear. Ambiguity is generally caused by failure to be specific.

Example: Instead of saying, “I need this report next week”, say what you really mean, “I need it Monday morning”.

In the first example, the employee may operate under the assumption that any time next week is fine, but will fall short of your expectations when the report is not completed by Monday morning. 

Be reliable. Managers and employees who lack credibility fail to create open lines of communication and inhibit the growth of trust. For example: If you say you are going to do something by a certain date, do it.

If something beyond your control interferes with accomplishment of the task, tell the person before the due date to avoid catching them off guard. 

There is no substitute for face-to-face communication with employees.

Written communications such as memos, electronic mail and posting items on a bulletin board are not as successful as personal contact even though they are all effective means of communicating some types of information. 

Really listen to your employees and colleagues; acknowledge their input and show respect when they speak.

People tend to feel more a part of the team and will be more productive. Example: Ask questions to show your interest and acknowledge feelings. 

Providing current information to employees helps them to feel like an integral part of the organization. Withholding information fosters distrust and allows rumors to perpetuate. 

The following examples provide you with tips to improve your communication skills and cites examples of barriers to avoid in your communication with others. 

Tips for effective communication

Ø Listen attentively 

Ø Ask questions and invite questions 

Ø Provide feedback to others and ask for feedback 

Ø Be tolerant of others 

Ø Be honest 

Ø Demonstrate respect by being open 

Ø Clarify your own ideas before communicating 

Ø Communicate purposely - Focus on your real message 

Ø Consider the timing, setting, and social climate 

Ø Acknowledge the other person’s perspectives and explain your own perspectives 

Ø Consult others when planning to communicate 

Ø Be cognizant of your tone, expression, and receptiveness 

Ø Demonstrate empathy 

Ø Have a sense of humor 

Ø Look for a common goal (s) 

Ø Ensure that your actions support your communications 

Ø  Put yourself in the other person’s shoes 

Ø Communicate not only for today, but for the future as well 

Obstacles to effective communication 

Ø Poor listening skills 

Ø Lack of interest 

Ø Lack of trust 

Ø Stereotyping 

Ø Power struggle 

Ø Intimidation 

Ø Inability to understand the other party or no desire to understand the other party 

Ø Avoiding the issues 

Ø Mechanical problems - inadequate PA system, problems with integrative technology 

Ø Language barriers 

Ø Low self-concept 

Ø Defensiveness 

Ø  Inaccurate assumptions