Bonding with Colleagues

From genocidal dictators to office managers, everyone knows that if you want people to bond, you have to provide them with a common enemy. But which enemy? Some are more effective than others. Trying to rally the troops against an abstract noun ("Mediocrity must be defeated at all costs! Remember that fact this fiscal year!") is unlikely to stir much emotion. So stick to actual people. There's a definite school playground mentality at play here. Witness how the cooler employees at your firm instinctively gravitate towards each other - meeting in the canteen every lunch time to make snide comments about other people's choice of clothes.

Do not follow that path. You are better than them. If you want to bond with your colleagues without picking on the poor lads in IT support, try to encourage a little whining on the subject of your bosses instead - they earn far more money than you for doing far less work. Try saying things like: "Have you seen his/her new car? It's the same one they're using in the next Bond film." Avoid saying things like: "Hey, let's give him/her a break for once. It must have been really upsetting having to cut our wages like that."

The next best way to get close to your colleagues is through the struggle of shared adversity. Past generations had world wars to bring them together, but just because you're not dodging bullets or living off tinned Spam, it doesn't mean you're not suffering too. Pulling an all-nighter for a tight deadline, braving the underground on a hot summer's day, accidentally using that dodgy milk in the back of the fridge - these are all things you can look back on fondly one day and reminisce about with your co-workers.

Tea can also help. And plenty of it. Throwing the hot drinks rota out of the window and selflessly volunteering to make a cup at every 15-minute interval will endear you to your colleagues no end. Only returning from lunch with a selection of delicious pastries could make you any more popular.

Other drinks can be useful too - particularly of the alcoholic variety. Though this can be a high-risk strategy: try confessing a few of your darkest secrets at next Friday's after-work drinks - either they'll reciprocate and open up about themselves, or the entire building will know about how you wet your pants in primary school by the time you return on Monday. That's the gamble.

The slightly more desperate might like to try a spot of Derren Brown-style psychological trickery by attempting to mirror the body language of your chosen buddy. When they fold their arms, you fold your arms. When they scratch their nose, you scratch your nose. In theory this is supposed to result in an eerie feeling of closeness between the two of you. More likely, they'll just feel incredibly creeped out. If so, try growing a neat little goatee beard and see if that helps.

Last of all comes the dreaded team-building weekend. This is where you all spend a rainy bank holiday lost in the middle of a forest, arguing about the best way to fashion a compass out of half a Coke can and a handful of Twiglets. Much better to bunk off down the pub at the first opportunity and just, you know, talk to each other.

10 Ways to get your colleagues to work with you better

One of the most important hiring criteria for many companies is the ability to work as a team player—yet, so many of us have colleagues who don’t play well with others.

“If you have one bad apple in the bunch, it can really hurt the morale and enthusiasm of an entire department,” says Andy Teach, a corporate veteran and author of From Graduation to Corporation: The Practical Guide to Climbing the Corporate Ladder One Rung at a Time.

“A department, or company, that works well together, has the most success together. When you enjoy working with your colleagues and look forward to interacting with them, everyone benefits.”

Working with other team members whom you have a great work relationship with can actually make work fun, he says. “Morale is high, which leads to better productivity, which leads to better results.”

Skip Weisman, a leadership and workplace communication expert, agrees. “A high-morale work environment will always produce more than a low-morale work environment.”

When people care about the people they work with, things get done faster, he says.

“People will go the extra mile; they will take ownership of a job, a decision or problem and work through it without feeling like they have to go up the chain to get things done.”

Another benefit of colleagues working well together: Information flows more freely, says David Parnell, a legal consultant, communication coach and author.

“In addition, the group’s well being and success become more of a priority;  patience, generosity and a gravitation toward interaction grows; and good moods and dynamic information beget better moods and even more dynamic information,” he says.

“All of this conspires to create a more balanced, functional, aggressive and successful company.”

So, what happens when colleagues don’t work well together?

Parnell says time and cognitive bandwidth is wasted “exercising restraint, measuring words and otherwise forcing hands to play nicely in the sandbox.”

The outcome is shoddy workmanship, pushed or missed deadlines and severe lacerations to the company culture or your group’s sub-culture.

“If you don’t look forward to working with a particular colleague or colleagues, guess what? Your enthusiasm suffers, your morale suffers, and ultimately, productivity suffers,” Teach adds.

Deborah Shane, a career author, featured writer, speaker, and media and marketing consultant, adds that a bad workplace relationship creates negative energy, which can affect everyone on the team, as well as customers or clients.

It can also cause employee turnover, which “interrupts building and creating a strong, unified team.” Finally, she says, “conflict fosters cliques and factions within a team that always works against it.”

If you want to get your colleagues to work with you better, here’s what you can do:

1 Make teamwork a priority by making it part of the performance management system. 

This begins with performance expectations when someone joins the organization, Weisman says.  

“I was speaking with a prospective client last summer who was complaining about this very thing–that their people were not working well together–so I asked her, ‘Well, do you assess their contribution to teamwork as part of your annual performance review process?’

She looked at me like a deer in headlights and responded as if it was a master stroke of genius.” If you don’t measure it and give people the expectation at the very beginning of their role with the organization, it will not be seen as priority.

2 Pinpoint the issue. 

“Explore your feelings and behavior toward your colleagues,” says Parnell. “Social and professional relationships are inextricably symbiotic and interactive, and much of the communication that occurs is both subconscious and reactive.”

If your colleagues seem to be difficult, they may actually be reacting to the signals you are giving off – whether consciously or unconsciously.

While this might be a bitter pill to swallow, you may be the very root of the problem and the first step toward recovery is discovering this.

3 Do not complain to management. 

“Mommy, mommy! Jimmy isn’t being nice!” isn’t going to cut it here. In fact, it will just make things worse. “Going over someone’s head to leverage them with authority is the best way to gain faux cooperation that is backed by insidious, Machiavellian game play,” Parnell says.

“Take whatever steps are necessary to remedy your situation first, and only turn to management as the last resort.”

4 Ask for advice. 

Again, you don’t want to go to your boss or upper management to complain about a co-worker, but you can ask your supervisor for advice on how to improve your work relationships.

“They will certainly appreciate the fact that you came to them first because you want to improve the team dynamic,” Teach says. “This will help your supervisor see that you are truly a team player.”

5 Communicate directly with them.

“I think that this is perhaps the most important factor when it comes to improving a work relationship,” Teach says. “It’s totally understandable why you and a co-worker don’t work well together but the onus is on you to improve the situation.”

If you complain to your boss, he or she will most likely just ask you to speak directly with your co-worker to try to improve the situation. So instead, ask your co-worker if they have some time to speak with you, maybe at the end of the day once all of your projects are completed.

Just state your feelings in a non-accusatory way, tell your co-worker that you’d really like it if you can help each other in the future and work better together, and ask them what you can do to make this happen.

“It’s possible that they are not even aware of their shortcomings or perhaps they don’t realize that there is a problem between the two of you so hopefully they will appreciate the fact that you are bringing this to their attention,” Teach says.

Parnell agrees. “I know this may be a cliché, but you should address the problem head on. If someone seems to be abrasive or even combative, relay your concerns to them and ask if there is something you can do to help.”

It is uncomfortable, potentially embarrassing, and certainly not the easiest route; it is, however, the most effective, he says.

6 Engage the law of reciprocity. 

“If you happily help people first, others automatically will feel a sense of obligation to return the favor,” Weisman says.

When you have an extra free minute or two ask your co-workers if they need help with anything, or engage in another act of kindness. Maybe your colleagues will reciprocate, and thus improve the way you work together.

7 Give your co-worker an incentive. 

You may present your case to a colleague as to why they need to work better with you–but without an incentive, they may not be accommodating, Teach says.

Explain to them that by improving the work relationship between both of you, they will have more support from you, they will enjoy their work more, and they will get better results. 

Tell them that this can potentially lead to more appreciation and recognition from upper management, which hopefully will lead to a promotion and raise down the line—and that by not working well together, this scenario will be more difficult to achieve.

8 Celebrate and reward great teamwork. 

Unfortunately, most employees won’t go out of their way to work well with others, unless there’s something in it for them, Weisman says.

If you’ve already explained to your co-worker how they can benefit from working with you better, and he or she still isn’t doing it, talk to your boss about implementing some type of rewards or recognition program.

Shane believes employers should acknowledge workers regularly for their team efforts and loyalty, both in private and to the entire team.

“Set up a ‘Team Player of the Month Award’ that the team votes on and reward that person with a dinner out, gift certificate or cash,” she suggests.

This should help motivate your colleagues to be better team players.

9 Go out to lunch or for a drink. 

When colleagues don’t get along or don’t work well together, it simply might be that they don’t really know each other, Teach explains. The best way to get to know a co-worker better is to spend some time with them away from the office.

“Offer to take them out to lunch and just chat with them as an equal,” he says. You can also ask to meet them after work for a drink, when he or she might be more relaxed and perhaps not as cautious when it comes to discussing your relationship.

Use the time to find out what you have in common outside of work.

“Of course, use your social barometer to monitor the depth of your plumb, but dig deeper and add some foundation to your relationship,” Parnell adds.

10 Find out their challenges and obstacles. 

Don’t always assume that the reason why a co-worker doesn’t work well with you is because it’s personal, Teach says. It may be that they don’t have the aptitude for the job or don’t have the training necessary to do a great job.

“If this is the case, offer to train them or to help them in any way. They will see you in a new light; as an asset and not a liability.”

Easy Ways To Bond With Your Colleagues

We spend most days of the week sitting next to the same people, but how well do you really know your colleagues? It can be easy to take your workmates for granted, even though you may be missing out on forming a really special bond. Here are a few ways you could improve your relationship with the people you work with.

Do the tea round
Most people rely on a cup of tea or coffee to get them through the working day, and if this applies to you then make sure you get yourself involved in a tea round. In a large open plan office it can be tricky to remember everybody’s orders, so it can be worth organising a round with a smaller group of people instead- at least this way you can carry all the mugs at once. Not only will your colleagues be really grateful for their cuppa, but it also means that you are guaranteed a drink for the rest of the day!

Socialize outside of work
When you finish work you may just want to go home and put your feet up, but getting together with your colleagues once in a while for a meal or a few drinks can really make a difference to your relationships. If nobody normally socializes outside of work, you could nominate yourself to be social secretary and organize an event yourself. By proactively engaging yourself with your colleagues, you will start to find your business life improves as a result. Just try and stay moderately sober to avoid any red faces the next morning!

Organize your workspace
Not everyone is naturally tidy or organized, but by keeping your desk fairly clean you will give off a professional impression to the people around you. If you are starting to get buried under piles of paperwork, see if your company uses an offsite data storage firm. A document storage company will archive your old records that you no longer need in the office, freeing up space for you and your colleagues without getting rid of potentially important information. And instead of chucking old documents in the bin, get anything important shredded to prevent any data breaches.

Don’t gossip
It might be tempting to gossip over the water cooler with your colleagues, particularly if everyone else is doing it, but this could get you into all sorts of trouble. You can guarantee that when people gossip about other people they will do the same about you, so keep your head down and your thoughts to yourself- even if Carol from admin is driving you barmy! Whilst this may not make you any friends in the short term, over a long period of time your colleagues will really respect you for not indulging in nasty rumor spreading.

Make the small things count
In a close working environment it really is the little things that count. When you spend 35 hours or more of your week seeing the same faces and doing the same job, sometimes we all need a bit of a pick me up. You can help by making your colleagues smile. If you like baking, bring in a sample of your cakes for people to enjoy, or compliment somebody on their outfit. And most importantly, try and remember things that are going on in your fellow employee’s lives so you always have a talking point.